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This paper examines the approaches heterosexual men and women in South Africa use to engage their partners in discussions of HIV and risk factors in their relationships. These strategies entail balancing the risks of infection while managing the challenges of maintaining a relationship. In a context in which there is a great deal of insecurity in relationships it is especially challenging to discuss HIV risks with partners. Our findings reveal that concerns about children or the desire to have children provided a legitimate basis for discussing HIV risk with partners.

The focus of these discussions is on the future for their children. Research in South Africa should attend to men’s and women’s desires to have and to raise children. HIV prevention and treatment programs can capitalise on concerns regarding children, and the future of the family, to engage men and women in discussing mutually acceptable strategies for preventing infection and ensuring safe conception. High rates of HIV infection in South Africa, together with the rollout of antiretroviral treatment, mean that increasingly men and women and their families are grappling with long term infection, illness, and the fear of HIV transmission.

International research on couples and families has highlighted the struggle to balance disease risks and illness while maintaining healthy relationships van Campenhoudt ; Cusick and Rhodes Here we are concerned with investigating how individuals attempt to discuss HIV risk and testing with their partners. We have drawn from qualitative interviews with men and women between the ages of 18 and 32 who lived in control and intervention communities in two South African settings that participated in a randomised, controlled HIV prevention trial.

Our coding identified four main approaches used by men and women to engage partners in these discussions. We found that both men and women usually reported that it was the female partner who was expected to initiate discussions.

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Mabeo is a member of Positive Connection, the only Internet dating forum geared to people with HIV in South Africa, the country with more infections – over 5 million and counting – than any other. I still haven’t found anyone I’ve gotten romantically involved with, but I’m carefully going through the list. AIDS is no longer an automatic killer here. As in the United States, it has become a chronic illness for those with access to antiretroviral drugs.

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Finding the right footing in the dating scene can be difficult for anyone, but especially so for those with a positive HIV diagnosis. Dating with HIV requires complete honesty about an issue that can be hard to talk about. It also requires a certain level of disclosure before any sexual act. Fortunately, there are several resources dedicated to helping HIV-positive individuals find their perfect match.

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa — Jake Mabeo’s online dating profile says he is a “Why can’t there be a site for HIV-positive people to meet?

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